you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
