I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
