Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
