She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
