I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My breasts were aching with rage.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize