He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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