Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
