I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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