Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry _Emili_ hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(281): View more from Texas

the condom got lost in my hair

Fav 6 826 3429
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text

Fav 7 3726 888
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.

Fav 15 4073 910
share tweet
(801): View more from Utah

we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success

Fav 52 9096 1299
share tweet
(806): View more from Texas

Two words Indian burn...

(1-806): View more from Texas

What did she think it was, a shake weight?

Fav 27 1477 6200
share tweet
(605): View more from South Dakota

I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?

Fav 14 6200 1430
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(913): View more from Kansas

all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar

Fav 1 3037 1561
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(269): View more from Michigan

When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.

Fav 4 1450 654
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(843): View more from South Carolina

He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.

Fav 0 179 131
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT