i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
