Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
