my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
