I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize