You smell like stripper and shame
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
