your thong is hanging out like whoa
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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