I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
