he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
