i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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