Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
