So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
