I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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