i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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