around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
