He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
