I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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