I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
