On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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