Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
