So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
