Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
