He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
