I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
