I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize