i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
