Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize