i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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