I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
