Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
