Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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