Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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