I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
