I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
