Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
