We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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