well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
