I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
