Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
