Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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