I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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