that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
