hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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