hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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