I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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