I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
smell my finger.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
