at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
