I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
