I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
