I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
