he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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