Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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